Get whacked, get whacked,
Get whacked on your Etonian bum
Get whacked, get whacked,
Get whacked for beating Livingstone.

Herpetology was more than just a hobby
For one Lambeth boy called Ken
Practically a wizard with a newt or lizard
or politicians (slimy men)

(At this point I have run out of steam … I’ll finish this later …)

The Ego is a plump bird, about four or five inches tall, that preens its feathers almost constantly in support of its belief that it is the prettiest of all the birds.
As a result of this belief, the Ego particularly hates peacocks, hummingbirds and Claudia Schiffer.

The Ego however, has a larger cousin, the Super-Ego. Looking vaguely like its smaller cousin in a pair of red underpants, the Super-Ego does not suffer from the same vanity, but imagines that it knows what everyone else ought to be doing.
Quite commonplace, these can be found anywhere where the habitat supports such a beast : near married men, at other parents’ houses or at your daughter-in-law’s.

Both Ego and Super-Ego are commonly mispronounced: the word has a short ‘E’ as in ‘bed’ not a long ‘e’ as in ‘weed’. The name comes from the appalling lack of reproductive self-awareness of the female and is said to sound like the call she makes when first laying.

Inspired by the musings of a minor groskoparian.

http://storify.com/comdotdom/heebies

http://www.domdog.co.uk/index.php/buttocks/

Smatterings are the repeated requests of a teenager’s parents, desperate to find out what the hell is wrong with the mute but clearly upset dishevelled heap.

Smatterings are not quite as shiny as sglossrings.

Smatterings can be found spinning around black holes emitting senergies as they rotate in four dimensions.

Smatterings could be jumbled stutterings.

Smatterings are little pockets of dwellings in Yorkshire, smaller than a village but bigger than a cuplouzes.